Veritas vos liberabit.
The truth shall set you free. It’s a biblical statement found in the book of John. It’s a motto used by many colleges, universities and institutions. And the English variant is carved in stone at the original headquarters of the C.I.A. We value truth in thought, speech and action, but practicing it is often easier said than done.
Addiction is a secretive disease. We lie to cover up our behaviors, we lie to get our drug of choice, we lie to make ourselves more exciting or attractive and sometimes we lie for no reason at all. Eventually we have a hard time separating truth from fiction. Eventually we start to believe our lies. And eventually, inevitably, we get caught.
Living with secrets is exhausting. Keeping track of the lies you’ve told and who you’ve told them to becomes a full-time job. When I was in college I missed three exams over the course of a semester because “my grandmother died”. Hmmmm. Three grandmothers? The truth is that I was too hungover to take the tests. And eventually, like the boy who cried wolf, no one believed me anymore.
The core of 12-step programs is coming clean and making amends. I’ve heard endless testimony to the power of this process. Most people experience enormous relief when their secrets are finally out in the open. The shame and guilt and fear of being busted are finally lifted. There is a profound sense of freedom.
Working with a sponsor or a recovery coach is a critical step toward this freedom. It’s often the first time we’ve been completely honest with another person. A coach or a sponsor offers empathy and understanding. We can let go of those secrets and lies without judgment, criticism or punishment.
I opened a fortune cookie recently and the slip inside read “If you always tell the truth you never have to remember anything”.
Good advice. And if you follow it, you’re far less likely to run out of grandmothers.
Comments