Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Gender matters. Especially when it comes to substance use disorders. There are biological and social differences that cause us (I identify as female) to react differently than men to alcohol and drugs. From body size and composition to neuroendocrine responses to sociological roles and addiction stigma…men and women are different.

Here are some facts:

Long term drinking is significantly more harmful to a woman’s health than a man’s. As such, alcohol-related deaths are somewhere between 50% and 100% higher in women than in men. Women are more likely than men to be prescribed prescription opioids or benzodiazepines for pain, anxiety or depression. Women develop dependency faster than men due to a heightened dopamine response in the brain. Women are more likely to abuse these substances and they are more likely to experience side effects such as heart, muscle, liver and brain damage. And women are more likely to fatally overdose.

Good news? Women tend to seek treatment earlier than men.

Bad news? Women have a higher rate of relapse.

So what’s a girl to do?

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was written in 1939. The foundation of all 12-step programs, it has sold over 30 million copies. Now in its 4th edition, the basic text has never been changed and many think that to alter a single word would be sacrilege.

It might be time to rethink that.

When the book was written the assumption was that the alcoholic was usually a man. (There’s even a chapter dedicated to the “wives”.) Hence the book is littered with the pronouns “he”, “him” and “his”. The simple and sensible substitution of “they”, “them” and “their” would change absolutely nothing intrinsic in the book’s teachings and the move toward inclusivity would no doubt benefit many readers. Furthermore, someone working with a female or non-binary alcoholic would be better able to identify without having to wade through a sea of male pronouns. Here’s how one page in the chapter “Working With Others” would look if all of the “he”s and “him”s were replaced:

“Tell them how baffled you were. Give them an account of your struggles. Show them the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. If they are an alcoholic they will understand you at once. They will match your inconsistencies with some of their own.

Get an idea of their behavior, their problems, their background, the seriousness of their condition and their religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in their place.

If you are satisfied that they are a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show them, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of will power. Be careful not to brand them an alcoholic, let them draw their own conclusion.”

18 substitutions in 3 paragraphs, but the message didn’t change. And I’ve finally fully embraced the Big Book with all its archaic language and gender stereotypes.

Okay, enough about pronouns. (Don’t get me started on God’s.)

I’ve heard that the opposite of addiction is connection. When I got sober I thought I’d miss “girls’ nights”, those alcohol fueled debacles disguised as “book club” or “spa night” or “cooking class”. But today, I don’t need alcohol to connect with other women. In fact, I look back on some of those “connections” I made (not just with women) and realize that the only thing I had in common with my “new best friend” at the bar was the desire (or need) to get wasted.

Final fun fact: All of the photographs that accompany my posts are my own. Until today. This recent photo was NOT taken by me. Because I’m in it. As are my ten best friends from college. Girls still wanna have fun. But I truly believe that I am happier, more present, more engaged and a better friend because of my sobriety.

And I’m not the only hard-partying college girl that eventually got sober. Can you guess how many others in the photograph are in recovery?

I’ll never tell.