“There are no atheists in foxholes.”
You’ve probably heard this aphorism, which is used to argue that in times of extreme stress or fear people will often turn to prayer. A foxhole prayer is a prayer you pray when faced with what feels like a crisis. You might be in danger…in a foxhole during battle. You might be facing arrest, prosecution or jail. Someone you love might be sick or injured. YOU might be sick or injured. Whatever the source of the fear, it feels urgent, desperate, even hopeless.
As humans we are driven by many forms of fear, but most fit into two categories: the fear of losing something we have, and the fear of not getting something we want. “Please don’t let me lose my job.” “Please let me get that promotion.”
I was raised Catholic and was taught to pray…not only to God but to the Virgin Mary, the Holy Spirit and all of the angels and saints. When alcohol and drugs entered the picture in my early teens however, my religious upbringing took a deep dive. By the time I got sober I’d pretty much turned my back on God…and was convinced He’d turned his back on me. I started attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings but had strong reservations about the “religious” aspect of twelve-step programs.
But as it turns out, the program is not allied with any specific god or religion. It only asks that we accept that there is a “power greater than ourselves”. I began to read the Big Book and found an entire chapter titled “We Agnostics”. I was given permission to come up with any conception of God that worked for me. Creative intelligence. Spirit of the universe. Nature. Karma. Love.
And of course there are the acronyms that we hear in the meetings. Good Orderly Direction. Group Of Drunks. Gift Of Desperation. And my favorite, Grace Over Drama.
There are lots of alternatives to 12-step programs and their focus on some sort of spiritual solution. As a recovery coach I never advocate for A.A. I present multiple routes to recovery; some are clinical, some are secular, some are abstinence-based. I don’t endorse any pathway over another. But I do share my experience, and A.A. is what worked for me. At first it was just the structure and the accountability, but soon I was practicing rigorous honesty and the principles of right living that the program proposes. And I heard others, people whose sobriety I envied, talk about prayer as one of their tools.
I eventually came to a new understanding of spirituality and was able to find my own conception of a Higher Power, a force that is always with me and gives me strength and hope. My Higher Power calls me out on my bullshit and we often have a good laugh together. And regular conversations with my Higher Power make it easier to turn naturally to prayer when faced with a crisis.
Two weeks ago I was taking a trip to Ireland and a few hours before I was leaving I reached into the drawer where I ALWAYS keep my passport. Except it wasn’t there. I looked in some more drawers, and it wasn’t there. I looked in the original drawer at least 5 more times, and of course it wasn’t there. I began to tear my house apart and for 2 hours I ripped through closets and handbags and cupboards and drawers. I knew I hadn’t put it in any of those places but I didn’t know what else to do. And the clock was ticking.
And then I prayed. I prayed not only to God but to Saint Anthony (patron saint of lost things), to Saint Christopher (patron saint of travelers), even to Saint Jude (patron saint of lost causes). Did any (or all) of them answer my prayers? I can’t know for sure. But in those moments on my knees I had an epiphany…and I suddenly knew where my passport was.
And as my hands closed around it, I didn’t stop praying. I said prayers of thanks and gratitude. I said them out loud (alone in my house as I frantically packed). I said them on the way to the airport. I said them on the plane. I said them in Ireland. I’m still saying them.
I try to offset every “help me God” prayer with AT LEAST one “thank you God” prayer. And if I get ahead on the gratitude prayers it’s like money in the bank.
Prayer doesn’t have to be a last resort. And perhaps if I pray a little more often before things go wrong…
…I won’t find myself in as many foxholes.
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